The beginning of the end | Entry 1

When I first moved to university, life was all too great. I had the most amazing friends and family, I had seen so many places and achieved so many things. But I quickly began to notice myself changing and not for the better – I was becoming socially awkward, paranoid, having darker and darker thoughts and couldn’t even control my own breath.

In the January [2017] of first year, I decided to get help and it was then I was formally diagnosed with depression and anxiety. The friends I thought would support me through thick and thin, some I had since high school, practically vanished overnight and the colour in my world began to drain.

As with most cases I was put on medication straight away and refereed for counselling – a service I waited over twelve months for. But during those twelve months I had to do battle like never before, I had to fight to control my own brain once more, and believe me, that was hard.

I had to remove people from my life, I had to focus on me. I decided to eat healthier, to lose weight, to find new hobbies and most importantly new people.

But once these challenges were completed my life changed for the better. Today I stand surrounded by people I love and who love me, I can’t even remember the last time I had a dark thought and my anxiety attacks are slowly reducing. I found my light at the end of the tunnel – friendship.

‘To Build a Home’ in a sense can be seen as autobiographical, as the place of pain comes from somewhere only too familiar to me. I have always had the idea to do a darker performance to an audience, through GCSE and A-level, but due to my own confidence at the time never perused it. However, after seeing the wonders of the arts, both light and dark, through my university course, through finding the right people in my life, by coming out of the tunnel – my confidence is ready.

Although some aspects of the production will naturally come from emotional recall, its important to me to reflect society as a whole in this production, which is why I will be seeking advice from many charities and organisations such as the NHS, Mental Health Foundation, Mind UK and many more.

‘To Build a Home’, my baby, my idea, a production that could possibly sum up my life to this point marks the beginning of the end of my university life – a life that has shown me the very best of mankind, but also the darkest sides of it. But it has been a life that has taught me so much and has helped me become the person I am today.

The next five months are going to be difficult in making this production, especially entering a rehearsal studio alone when im used to eight or nine other people being there, but I strongly believe if I get the literature and style of this production right – it will be my proudest achievement.