The unsent letters | Entry 3

The sad truth is, too often people decide to take their own lives, in the U.K. alone, 84 men a week make the hardest decision of all - 84 families a week heartbroken. Not all decide to do this because of mental health but because of social pressures, financial reasons or pressures at work or educational facilities and the list goes on and on.

According to statistics only 1 in 5 people will leave a note explaining their decision, and in most cases, these are simply heart-breaking. This week rehearsals took a more sensitive turn having to research such notes. It was a profound moment sitting in a darkened studio alone, reading the pain of the human soul in the darkest and most frightening time of its life justifying its decisions.

However, as I found myself reading note after note I found some common themes, most people felt that their actions were selfish, but hoped their loved ones would understand and a further theme was that they wanted their loved ones to be happy. As someone who has suffered from depression and anxiety, and has lived through them dark thoughts, I found them unbelievably relatable. Speaking for myself, when mental health has you in its grips it can feel like the whole world is against you like the whole world is talking about you and everyone thinks your weird or a freak and it hurts. It makes you question your friendships, relationships and day-to-day activities.

These feelings, however, aren’t just mine, after reading reports by the Samaritans and Mind UK I realised that these thoughts aren’t standalone thoughts, but universal suffrage.

For the purpose of ‘To Build a Home’ I wanted this common feeling to feature, which was why I worked hard in constructing the scenes perfectly, both literally and physically. These rehearsals led to the discovery of the opening scene and the penultimate scene, of which I won’t go into too much detail at this time, but it leads to a heart-breaking moment between performer and audience and will hopefully allow the audience to question what they would do during that moment in time.

But after constructing these scenes and reading and listening to such notes it made me wonder of the 4 in 5 lost souls which don’t leave notes, whose reasons are left unknown - these are the unsent letters of the deceased, the deceased who must be remembered.

If you or anyone you know is in need of help please visit www.mind.org.uk or visit your local GP.